A simple form
The form of the practice is very simple, and really only involves putting Order members into the usual stages of the metta bhavana. Bhante suggested that the ‘neutral’ person could be an Order member whose name you know but whom you’ve never met – or, in the usual way, one whom you have met but you don’t have a strong response to either way.

As the practice developed, some Order members developed an additional stage, putting Bhante in a second stage after themselves, and then progressing as usual, making six stages in total. This wasn’t suggested by Bhante himself, and hence doesn’t constitute an ‘official’ form of the practice.

Origins
At that first Order Convention in 1974, Bhante also remarked, ‘It is to be taken quite literally that you are in actual contact with other people on a non-material level… One shouldn’t be too self-conscious about it, or stretch and strain to be in contact: that isn’t necessary. Just do the practice, just think in a very ordinary sort of way of other Order members, and you are in contact. Because there is so much that you have in common.’

He announced the idea quite simply: ‘I was even wondering – this is only wondering – whether it might not be a good idea some time in the future, when perhaps Order members are more widespread and scattered than they are now – if we have a regular time when all Order members meditate; recollect one another or practise metta bhavana towards other members of the Order, at the same time throughout the world. We’d have to work out the timing of that, because it wouldn’t be the same by the clock everywhere.’

When asked about the stages of the practice, he said, ‘You start off with yourself, then you’d go on to the near and dear person; that would be another Order member with whom you were in personal contact and with whom you had a sort of affinity or with whom you got on very well in the ordinary human way. And then the neutral person would be an Order member that you’d never seen. And there are some, aren’t there? There are several Order members here now who have never seen Akshobhya, so how can you either like him or dislike him? So in place of a neutral person you should put an Order member whom you’ve never seen, whose name you’ve merely encountered in the news sheet. Or, failing that, an Order member towards whom you do feel fairly neutral – you neither like them nor dislike them, in the ordinary human way. And, human societies being what they are, there are probably Order members who irritate you sometimes, or whom you don’t particularly like or whose style you don’t like, or with whose opinions you don’t agree, etc.: well, put them in the fourth place. […] And also, when you go round the world, around the globe – you all remember this, I hope – in the way that we used to, in the guided meditation, you can go round the globe or you will soon be able to go round the globe, with Order members; if you go round in a clockwise direction from west to east just think of all the Order members in different countries.’

I entreat you, O Buddha Shakyamuni, revealer of the Dharma,
And you, Urgyen Sangharakshita, who have given me the gift of the Dharma,
Please witness my Going for Refuge to the Buddha, Dharma and Sangha,
And grant me your blessings.

The full text of the Kalyana Mitra Yoga

Watch a short introduction to the practice based on conversations between Parami and Bhante (requires login). Listen to a selection of guided practices from these Bodhicitta sessions (requires login).